After five years of not being able to conceive, On September 28, 2004, I was told for the first time ever that I had a positive pregnancy test. My heart stopped beating and all I did was sobbed my eyes out. During my pregnancy there were times I would just sit down and wonder what in the world did I get myself into. The questions would race through my mind, “Am I going to be a good mother; was I really going to be able to take care of this little person; am I going to know what to do;” and of course the list continued forever. As my pregnancy continued, I just had so much love for this little person. Then I found out it was a boy, A BOY!! What in the world did I know about boys. I don’t like cars and sports and boys are stinky (yes, this was all really going through my mind when I found out it was a boy). Then God did something for me to change my heart. I saw a little girl in a restaurant that was maybe about 3 or 4, 5 at the most, and she looked like a little street walker, mom looked the same way (please know that I was not casting judgment), and in that very moment I told God how grateful that I was having a boy. I have never looked back and wonder what my life would look like with a girl. Then the miracle day came, May 31, 2005, my sweet little baby boy , Joshua Franklin, was born at 1201 am. When I held him for the very first time, I knew what only a mother’s heart could feel, a perfect love. Now I am not saying that my love has been perfect, but I know that there is absolutely nothing my son could do that would ever make me stop loving him. Now my baby is nine years old and even though we have been on a roller coaster of ups, downs, turns, upside downs and right-sides wrong, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Now for the earlier thoughts in my life about matchbox cars, sports, and everything boy-I was one car shopping mom (I told myself in the end cars everywhere were so much better that Barbie shoes everywhere). Sports, well, my wardrobe contains Sports Mama shirts like crazy. I have a blinged out chair for soccer and basketball, and I cheer the loudest of everyone. The only draw back is the stinky boy part, not sure that ever goes away. I have just invested in plenty of Frebreeze sprays. I do enjoy my boy child and always will love spending time with him. I miss him when he goes to school. Yes, of course there are days that I can’t wait for him to find someone to go do something with so he will leave me alone for a minute. Some days I make my husband take him for some daddy and son time so I can have some quiet time for myself. He can make me smile, laugh, cry, scream and everything else. Some days I tell myself that I got this mama thing down and I’m doing good. And some days I still wonder what in the world am I doing? Am I doing this right? What if it’s wrong and he is going to end up being messed up? So, i just pray and ask God to forgive me and help me guide my baby down the path that God wants him on.